Here are my honest thoughts on life, love and relationships. I'll share my journey with you.
I’m feeling a lot of peace about my decision to not publish a tell-all so I’m thinking that’s a good sign. Plus I was really encouraged by the comments I received- thanks James and Hubs!
I was originally going to title today’s segment “Don’t Settle” but I thought that implied much more than I meant. A gentler way of saying it is don’t just go with the flow. Here’s what I mean.
I was super young when my first relationship developed, probably beginning of high school. I knew this boy at church had always liked me but I didn’t share the same feelings for him. I thought he was a great person and knew he was great husband material (said my little teenage brain) but I just didn’t have romantic feelings for him. That should have been the end of the story… But then we became friends and I grew to trust him, be comfortable with him, like him and then eventually love him. My love for him grew over time and I was too young and inexperienced to differentiate friendship love with true love.
Our relationship was comfortable and easy. Our path was set before us: we’d go to college together, graduate, find jobs, get married, raise kids and so on. But deep inside my heart kept telling me I wanted more than this but I chose to ignore it for as long as I could.
It took 7 years and a dramatic event to end our relationship. Our lives were so intertwined at that point that the break-up completely changed our lives and our communities.
So here’s what I’m trying to say. A part of me knew in the beginning that he wasn’t the one for me. But I chose to just go along with what was comfortable, easy and expected of me. There were several other signs along the way but at that point I didn’t have the guts to break it off with the guy who had become my best friend and cause a commotion in the community. In the end I gave 7 years of my life to a guy that isn’t my husband today. By me choosing to just “go with the flow” for so long I ended up really hurting this guy, hurting myself and even hurting Hubs who I wish I could have been patient and wise enough to wait for.
I want to tell you that you should never feel like you’re settling or be with someone for the sake of just being with someone. You shouldn’t go along with a relationship if there’s a part of you that isn’t fully invested it. You’ll only end up giving a part of yourself to a person who most likely will become a stranger to you. And not only are you hurting yourself by not being honest, you’re hurting this person who believes that this is what you want. Don’t make my mistake. I fooled myself and I fooled him and in the end we were both really hurt.
You can only go with the flow for so long before your heart says enough.
I’ve been thinking about it all weekend and all today. My story is written out and complete in a draft post but I don’t know if publishing it is the right thing to do…
I want to be open and honest and raw but I don’t want to hurt anyone in the process. I wish I could say that I don’t care if I offend anyone or step on toes but the reality is that I do care and I want to do the right thing in God’s eyes.
While writing my story about my past relationships I realized that I’m revealing some events that don’t paint my past boyfriends in the best light. That wasn’t my intention when I started writing. I just wanted my side of the story heard. It’s not like I’m name-calling or criticizing people for what happened in the past. The events that took place are 100% true. But maybe it’s best to leave the past in the past?
So here’s what I’ve decided to do. I’m going to go through some major editing. While I originally wanted to share my whole story with you from start to finish I’m going to try my best to pull out the lessons that I’ve learned from my failed relationships and heartache. I’ll include parts of my story as context but I’ll do my best to put the focus on what I’ve learned rather than what happened to me.
A large of me wishes that I could tell you all about everything that’s happened to me. Believe me, I want to press that publish button pretty bad especially after I’ve spent hours working on that post. But I hope that I’m doing the right thing here by respecting and honoring the people of my past.
Wishing you a beautyfull day!
Last night Hubs and I watched “Rape for Profit” a documentary about sex trafficking in Seattle. If you didn’t already know, Seattle has one of the highest sex trafficking stats in the country. It was crazy to see what actually goes on at night right under our noses. To say the least I left the theater feeling like I was hit by a truck. It’s one thing to hear the statistics… it’s another to hear the real-life, heart wrenching stories that were shared by the girls themselves. If you live in the area I highly recommend that you watch this film. It’s currently playing at Lincoln Square in Bellevue for the remainder of this week. It’s better to use your money to watch this film than buying a new lipstick or eyeshadow. Seriously, go watch it!
One line in the documentary that hit me hard was said by a women who had been sexually abused and trapped in prostitution a majority of her life. She said that she purposefully tries to gain weight and does not take care of her own body so that she doesn’t have to fear catching the attention of a man. In tears she kept repeating “because ugly is safe… ugly is safe”.
Those words broke me. And while I tried to piece my thoughts together I started asking myself questions.
So then what does it mean to be beautiful? I truly appreciate outer beauty and I don’t think there is anything wrong with that. But what’s more important is the beauty within. I find nothing more beautiful than a woman who loves the people around her and loves and values herself! Do you have people like that in your life? They are such inspirations to me! And they exude such a true graceful beauty that can’t be bought.
I realize now that the reason why that lady’s words “ugly is safe” shattered my heart is because I know in my soul that we were all created to be and feel beautiful!
You, reading this right now, are beautiful! You are so so beautiful! And you are a treasure in this world. You are beautiful because you are you. I don’t care what anyone has or has not said to you in your past. Forget all of that! Any hurtful words that have ever been said to you- cup it all into your hands, and then just let it go. And replace that empty spot in your heart with this truth: you are a beautiful treasure and you were created with an amazing purpose for your life.
You might not believe me. Trust me there are many days that I wake up and don’t feel beautiful. But that’s when we need to speak truth into ourselves and each other the most. I hope and pray that this blog can be used as an instrument of encouragement to all of you.
If you need someone to talk to or someone just to listen to your story, I’m here. If you feel alone and just need someone in your life, I’m here. Don’t be afraid to email me at firstname.lastname@example.org. While I can’t solve your problems, I can stand by you in your journey if you let me.
Wishing you a BEAUTYFULL day!
You may or may not having noticed but ABD is going through some changes right now. I’ve been thinking a lot about the future of this blog. While I absolutely love makeup and beauty products, I feel that ABD is not complete at this point and something is missing. I realize that I’ve lost the original vision of sharing all things BEAUTYFULL and have focused on makeup reviews for quite some time now.
Well, I want to change that. I want to be open, honest and genuine about my life; to no longer live in fear of what other people will think of me and to live shamelessly, BEAUTYFULLY, as me. I want to put my heart into words and say “take it or leave it”. I’ll be sharing not just one aspect of my life (makeup and beauty) but all parts so that we can do life together. Also, I want to create posts that are helpful to you! I’ll be asking myself “what do I have to offer my ABDers?”. And if at the end of the day any one person is encouraged, inspired or has a smile on his/her face, A Beautyfull Day will have fulfilled its purpose.
So going forward, ABD will now be a lifestyle blog encompassing my journey through life including cooking, learning how to maintain a house, family, love and relationships, fashion and of course makeup and beauty.
I hope you’ll support me through this journey and I encourage you, whoever you are, to not live in fear but to be true to yourself and to love fiercely and beautyfully everyday.
Your new lifestyle blogger,
The other day Hubs and I were out and about and I happened to look in the rearview mirror. The car behind us totally reminded me of Toothless from How to Train You Dragon. As I mentioned years ago, I love that movie and still keep my little Toothless toy on my bathroom vanity so I can see him everyday. So I’m inevitably fond of this car.
If Toothless was a car, he’d definitely be a Corvette Z06.
Toothless transformed into a car!
Do you see the resemblance?
Yes? No? Maybe?
But I admit, I’d definitely take a Night Fury over a car any day… :]
Poor Hubs woke up sick this morning so today I’m playing caretaker. I’m not surprised though- last week was sleepless, emotional and I’m sure both of our bodies are just trying to recover now.
But on to the real topic- I have a weakness for new eyeshadow palettes. I’m mesmerized by the combination of pretty colors that confuses the practical side of my brain. It also doesn’t help when other bloggers create gorgeous looks and then I want that exact look too!
But here are my reasons why I shouldn’t buy eyeshadow palettes: I have never bought an eyeshadow palette where I’ve used all the colors. Typically I fall in love with a couple shades and the rest go untouched. I’m also “out of sight, out of mind” so unless the eyeshadows are in my everyday Z-palette, they run a high risk of getting ignored. I find that it’s best for me to purchase eyeshadows individually to create my own personalized eyeshadow palette where all the shades get lots of love. Yeah, that sounds like the rational thing to do…
…BUT these are so pretty and I want them anyway!
I have to say though, I have no regrets buying my Urban Decay Smoked Palette. It’s the perfect set to grab when I want to create a smokey eye and all the eyeshadows are oh so pretty. I would definitely recommend this one to any girl who loves smokey eye looks.
Of the 3 new eyeshadow palettes up top I would probably choose the Laura Mercier Artist’s Palette for Eyes if I could only have one. The neutral pink-purple tones are so beautiful and versatile. Most likely I won’t be getting any new eyeshadow palettes anytime soon since I’m reviewing all of my MAC eyeshadows right now, but then again Sephora will be having their friends and family sale shortly… so I guess we’ll see what happens when we get there.
Wishing you a joy-filled morning!
Exactly 1 year ago today I married my best friend. Our first year of marriage flew by and we’ve both grown so much. I am always amazed at how you are constantly trying to become a better man and husband for me. I am so blessed and thank God for letting me be your wife. I love you with all my heart!
Happy anniversary, love of my life.
All photo credits to our lovely friends at GHKim
Good morning and happy Friday!
Hope your day is starting off wonderfully. In the case that it’s not, here’s something that’ll cheer you up!
“Woah…Oh my god! It’s a double rainbow!!”
Photo taken courtesy of Hubs on the way to work!
Don’t know what I’m talking about and think I’m crazy? Or maybe you just miss the double rainbow guy. Well let’s watch the double rainbow guy one more time!
My bestie sent me this photo and I thought it was pretty interesting. Take a look at these before and after shots of these famous models with and without makeup on. It’s a good reality check for us to understand that we live in a world of amazing makeup artists, photographers and photoshop. Also, it’s a good opportunity for us to see the beauty in an untouched face. Let’s take some time today to appreciate everyone’s raw unique features and find the beauty in them. It’s also so cool to see how adding color and shades to different parts of your face can make them appear a certain way. It’s definitely an art.
Wishing you a BEAUTYFULL day!
Hey guys! Hope your weekend is wrapping up well! I’m just stopping by to share my weekend with you!
At the beach with Hubs
Doesn’t he look magical?
Check out my mama-in-law’s fancy TOMS!
She picked them out herself!
They’re the TOMS Metallic Linen Slip-On in gold – $53.95
My Z-palettes arrived yesterday!
I’m super excited to reorganize my eyeshadows.
Another post about that coming soon!
The small leopard palette will be perfect for trips.
Coffee date with Hubs before church today
Coffee + laptop – that looks about right, haha
Okay, time to figure out what we’re doing for dinner!
Wishing you a restful night!